Is this real??

I walked into Physical Science today like I normally do, and sat down next to my good friend Rachel, who instantly perked up and said, "Check your email right now!".
I could hardly sit down and pull my phone out, I was so excited. And there it was: a lovely little email that said "We are pleased to accept you into the program".

I am officially going to London in the spring!

It still feels a little unreal. I've been dreaming of going to England for the past fifteen years, and now, here it is. It's time for that dream to come true. I am ridiculously ecstatic. It's going to happen. I'm going to London.

I'm so happy I get to go with such a good friend as well. Rach is absolutely the best, and we are going to have such a great time. I'm glad I'll have an adventure buddy from the very first moment, and that we can meet other friends together!

In just about five months, I'll be flying across the Atlantic to somewhere I've only ever dreamed about. I really can't even process my feelings right now.

It's real. It's now. And everyone will be lucky if I decide to come back in June!

(Just kidding. I will come back in June. I'll just be counting the days until I get to go back to the UK!)

One step at a time

Hey. How's it going? Good to hear. How am I? Oh, you know, the usual. School, work, trying to keep myself together, fed, rested, etc. Haven't been too shabby at it lately.

I'm just sitting here in my apartment, at the kitchen table, which is covered in me and Kennerley's homework. Books, laptops, my glass of water, Kenn's beanie (I'm not quite sure why that's out here, she hasn't worn it lately). My list for today has almost been entirely crossed off. Hallie is in the living room, carving a pumpkin. It's a bit cold, maybe I should put on some socks.

Is the kind of night where I just feel...not overwhelmed. There's a lot coming up in school, with homework, tests, papers, projects, and everything else, and part of me feel like I should be stressed out. I'm mulling over the long standing question of work options as well, which usually completely scrambles my brain. I know I need to work on some MuggleNet projects, which I'm going to have to find time for soon.

And yet, here I am, feeling that right now, everything is okay. Sure, I can't wait until I get a bit of a break (only a few more weeks, thank goodness), but I also just want to enjoy today. I just want to hold the moments of laughing with Cass and Kenn, of reading British literature, of cooking something that tastes good. I want to feel every drop of rain that falls from the sky, and kick up crunchy leaves the color of butter. I want to savor the few times Kenn and I stay up later than usual rewatching episodes of Doctor Who and speculating wild theories. I want to read each of the five letters from my missionary friends I got in the last week, and write back to them slowly, describing little things that have reminded me of them in the time that I last wrote.

I want to plan Christmas presents for my family, and start putting them together. I want to buy candy canes to put in hot chocolate, and put up the advent calendar my mum made for me.

I want to enjoy these moments, move through them slowly. As I have been practicing the piece I chose for my flute recital, I have realized just how tense I am lately. Practicing it has helped me to slow down a little, to enjoy each moment as it comes, like I enjoy the notes I am playing.

So I guess you could say I'm just dancing along to the music right now. Yes, I'm worried about what is coming up, and sometimes it feels like I am trying to keep back a flood of panic. But I am just going to try and focus on the little things that make me happy to make it through. It's my favorite time of year, and I'm going to enjoy every moment.

Autumn is in the air

This week, I opened my bedroom window in the hopes of cooling down our apartment (which was ridiculously hot for some reason), and a fresh breeze blew in with the sweetest scent in the air: autumn.

Autumn is my favorite season, closely followed by winter. I love everything that comes with it. I love the cooler mornings and evenings, when the breeze comes in. I love the rain, and the smell of petrichor. I love the shivery feeling you get, deep down inside of you, making every cell in my body feel alive and new. I love the scent of leaves, and that musty decay smell that mixes with the fresh, cool air.

I love the feeling of wearing sweaters and jeans and boots, of pulling out scarves and hats. I love curling up with a blanket and a mug of peppermint hot chocolate and listening to the rain on the windows.

I love fresh apples and everything that comes from them: apple fritters, fresh squeezed apple juice, pie, apple cinnamon oatmeal.

I love the way the sunlight looks different, like it's being diffused in filters of red and orange and golden rod, especially the sunrise and sunset. It's not as glaring as it is in the summer.

I love the sudden bursts of color everywhere; the trees displayed in everything from golden yellow to firey red, the earth becoming deeper, richer brown.

Everything seems softer in the fall. As things start to creep towards winter hibernation and the cold, everything slows down to a comfortable, dreamy sleep-like state, and you can see its beauty a little more.

Some of the most exciting news I've heard for a while

I almost screamed the moment I woke up today, out of sheer excitement and delight.
Luckily, the worry of waking my roommates prevented me from doing so.

Because I saw a post on the MuggleNet page that said J.K. Rowling was writing a screenplay for a Potter related book. It's the first big thing since Pottermore, and let's be honest, it's only a fraction of an inch away from being as exciting as a new book.

Because it's a new story. A new, long series, just this time in film, instead of written form.

Of course, this one won't be about Harry; JKR has said that his story is finished. But the world of wizards is still wide open, and that's where she's returning.

So far, we know the first film at least will be based on Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the textbook mentioned in the Harry Potter books, that JKR wrote in 2001. The story will focus on the supposed author of the book, Newt Scamander. It seems it will take place in the 1920's, and will begin in New York.

So not only are we going back to the wizarding world, but we're getting the American wizarding world, which can only be as different from the British wizarding world as the Muggle equivalents are.

There's so much possibility here. We could have some of the biggest lingering questions about the world she created answered. And we will see what normal wizarding life is like, as opposed to Harry's story, where the shadow of fame and a looming destiny were always present. And who knows what will come after this film? We could get adaptations of Quidditch through the Ages, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and who knows what else she has tucked in her brain?

All day, everything on the internet has been buzzing. All my fellow MuggleNet staff have been speculating, celebrating, and generally freaking out on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and the main MuggleNet site. It's going to be a few years until we get this final product, but we're still anticipating and getting ready for the influx of news.

Why am I so excited about this? Well, besides the fact that I am an enormous fan of Harry Potter, it's almost a do-over for me. I was so young when most of the books and movies were being released, I missed out on the collective excitement that came with the fandom community. I didn't know any news as it broke, I heard no speculation, and I didn't really even have any one to discuss possibilities with. I only went to one movie midnight premiere; I didn't go to any midnight book releases. Now, I get a chance to experience that, and to me, that is absolutely thrilling.

It's like going back to the early 2000's. The Potter fandom is alive and well, and we're as excited as ever for the magical storytelling that can only come from that world.

The Beginning

Yesterday, one of my best friends texted me: "The study abroad info is up!" Today, I got around to looking at the BYU study abroad site. There it was, a little link leading to a description for "London Summer 2014". Seven weeks of learning about British history, culture, and politics; of discovering the place I've been dreaming of since I was about five years old. Fifteen years later, the dream is just starting to take shape from the hazy dreamland it's been living in, settled in the back of my mind. It has dates; it has an application. It has an estimated program cost. It has course numbers. It has instructor names. It even has a Facebook page.

To a large extent, the dream still has a lot left to solidify; it's still fuzzy flashes of monuments I've only seen in pictures, accents I daydream over, people I've yet to meet, their faces indistinct in my mind's eye.

But it's starting. This is the beginning. And each day brings me closer.

Taking back my crayons

I made a decision today.

Okay, it's been coming on for a while. But today, I decided just to dive in and take my crayons back, and not care what anyone else thought.

They're not real crayons. They're metaphorical. I'm not turning into some crayon snatching crazy, don't worry.

There's a quote I found on Pinterest that says "Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty, they take away the crayons and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please." (Hugh MacLeod).

I'm taking my creative crayons back.

I've been thinking a lot about what has changed for me since high school. Back then, I was quieter, I was a little more angry, I was trying too hard to prove myself. I buried the creative part of me, the part that loves to be messy and go back and clean it up later. The part that wrote whatever came to my head, the part that danced when it rained, and then came in for hot chocolate. The part that would love nothing more than to go outside and curl up on the grass with a book.

Today, I decided to change that.

I decided to write, and just write, whatever came to my head. I can go back and revise later. I have three or four writing projects in the works right now. But I'm going to follow some writing advice and "let the first sentence be as stupid as it wants to be".

Today, I decided to have a dance party by myself, in my room, to epic TV and movie themes. I decided to sit and let my mind sift through gorgeous orchestral and choral pieces.

Today, I walked home and put my face towards the sun and let the wind blow my hair into a mess. I smiled at people I passed. I sang to the music on my phone.

Today, I decided to love the things and people I love without abandon, with my whole heart. I decided that I would be as enthusiastic about this as possible, and not care what other people thought of me, because these people who really love me love me for who I am, and I know that for sure. There are people who care about me out there. I forgot that a lot in high school. But there are people out there who love my crazy, nerdy, enthusiastic, introverted, occasionally scatter-brained self. I love them for that.

Today, I decided to fall in love with the UK even more, because it's lovely and I can't wait to go there.

Today, I decided to stop trying to be too grown up, and love my inner, creative child. Balancing it with my responsible self, of course. But to let that creativity shine through again.

Today, I decided to live and learn and love.

I decided to take my crayons back, and use them to color the world.

In which I explain why I am a confirmed Anglophile

It’s a weird word, I know. When I first heard it (from my freshman year bishop), I was completely confused. But now, I embrace the wonder that is being an Anglophile. What does it mean? In short, the definition is “one who is loves all things connected to England”. And that is so me.

It started way back when I was a kid. I can’t put a precise date on it, but I think it was when I first realized that the Harry Potter books were set in England (yeah, I didn’t put that together the first few times I read it. A little slow there). From the first time I watched the movies, I was enthralled by the actors’ English, Scottish, and Irish accents. And the thought that caught hold of me as a kid was that there was magic there. Hogwarts was there. I wanted to be there.

Now, it’s grown even more. I still love Harry Potter, and I’ve recently come to love three very popular British TV shows (and just the BBC in general; it’s incredible), Sherlock, Merlin, and Doctor Who. (Yes, call me a nerd. I fully embrace it. They’re marvelous.)

So what is it that seems to be drawing me towards the UK more every day? I think a lot of it comes down to storytelling.

I love stories. I always have. It’s one of the reasons I am a writer. I love story, the journey of a character that can be related to. I love a fictional character that can feel so real, that you get emotionally invested in. And the Brits have a way of storytelling that I have not found matched anywhere. They just have the way of blending humor, and excitement, and feeling in such a real way that it’s hard to resist.

Let’s start with Doctor Who. First of all, the fact that a television show can last for fifty years is just incredible (and by the way, I am so excited for the 50^th anniversary special!). The pretense of the show, of course, sets it up for such longevity. If you don’t know…well, it’s kind of hard to explain. But basically, the show is about this guy…I guess technically he’s an alien…well, he’s called a Time Lord, and his name is the Doctor. He travels through time and space in an old fashioned blue police box. His entire people and planet have been destroyed, so he’s pretty much alone. However, he finds friends, mostly humans, who travel with him, and they go on all sorts of crazy adventures. Anyway, the show has lasted so long because a) none of his companions stay very long. For some reason or another, they all end up leaving (usually in really sad ways that make you sob your heart out. Let’s not mention the end of series two and four, okay?). And b) When the Doctor dies, he doesn’t really die. He has this ability to regenerate, which means you get new actors to play him at regular intervals. The show was off the air for a while, but they brought it back starting with the Ninth Doctor a few years ago. To date, I’ve only seen the first four or so seasons of the new series, and assorted episodes farther down, but already, I love it. It’s original writing that is both witty, suspenseful, and sweet. The characters are so varied and so real. There’s such a clever ness aspect, especially when they go back in time and meet famous people (and then explain historical mysteries; I’ve always loved this in stories). And the storyline is complex, which I think might annoy some people, but I love it. That moment when something that came up in passing becomes so incredibly important…it’s simply the best. And I’ve pretty much officially decided that Steven Moffat, one of the main writers for the show, is trying to play with every emotion imaginable in the viewers, while scaring them witless (I’ll never see stone statues, especially of angels, the shadows in the dark, or pretty much anything, the same again). It’s fantastic. The power of writing, my friends! Well, writing and acting.

It was through a conversation about the Doctor with my brilliant friend (who also happens to be my second cousin) Kennerley that I discovered Merlin. I’d actually seen part of this one, ages ago. So I went back and rewatched it. And then watched the next three seasons. And then started counting down the days until Kennerley comes back and we can watch the fifth and final season together. This is another one that’s cleverly written, with both a strong overarching storyline and strong episodic storylines. And again, the characters are so wonderful, diverse and multifaceted. Of course, the series is based on the classic Arthurian legends of medieval Britain, but with a fresh new take. And I love it. The dialogue is superb, especially between Merlin and Arthur (I can’t tell you how many times I have sat laughing at the complete sass they throw at each other. And still, you can always tell they are the best of friends).

And then there’s Sherlock, another retelling of a classic story, though this version has been moved from Victorian era to modern day London. This one really comes down to how the characters are written and portrayed. One of the best monologues I think I’ve ever heard is from the end of the second series, when John Watson is speaking to Sherlock (I won’t give out spoilers, don’t worry). It is utterly heart wrenching, and wonderfully performed.

There’s such a history of storytelling in the UK. And from the pictures I’ve seen, it doesn’t surprise me; imaginations can go wild in lonely moors, tangled forests, ragged cliffs, and disintegrating castles. There’s so much room for fantasy. With the American tradition of hard work, exploration, and getting ahead (all of which are really good things), we seem to have lost our ability to look beyond to the fantastic around us. And lately, American television (the little I watch) has been very narrowly focused on “reality” shows and generic scripted shows. It’s almost as if television show writers are afraid to go out on a limb, and they may be. Americans, and American life, are so grounded in what is real, what is in front of us, what we can do for ourselves, leaving little room for fantasy. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but I find it a little sad that we often neglect our imaginations.

This is the reason I am entirely ecstatic about going to England in the near future. It’s the home of some of the writers I admire the most – Lewis, Tolkien, Rowling, Austen, Dickens, Shakespeare, Conon Doyle…I could go on and on. I want to discover the people and culture that creates such vivid storytellers, in the hopes that some of it will rub off on me and make me a better writer. So, I guess my six year old self was right – there is magic of a sort there. I can’t wait to discover it.

June and July

June and July mean...

• Lots and lots and lots of work. Ten to twelve hour days are pretty normal. Which means I practically live at the Bowling and Games Center, and The Wall, the new restaurant on campus.
• Summer thunderstorms, which have really been rolling in this week. I love how they just bring a change of pace, and a breath of fresh air (sometimes literally). Plus, I love the rain. It's awesome.
• Family! Fun times with the sibs (all but one...), the parents, and the nephew. Good times, where I don't have to think about anything else. Plus, seeing extended family!
• Running my first ever 5K. I am not a runner. Whoever planned that course was not kind (who puts the hill that is 9th East at the end of a three mile run? Seriously). But, I finished. And not even last!
• Random times with old friends. Like when they come over for dinner, and there's an incident involving a pizza flipping over in the oven, and the fire alarm keeps going off, and we end up laughing about good times. And about the fact that I can't make a pizza, apparently.
• Saying goodbye to good friends, off on missions!
• Getting missionary letters. They always make my day. Those kids are the best, and I'm proud of them all.
• Planning out the next few years. Class schedules, and my major application, and study abroad programs, oh my! Lots to look forward to.
• Doctor Who marathons, pretty much every night, with my roommate (okay, not really marathons. We usually get about one or two in. Still fantastic.). I'm working on a post about why I'm an anglophile (great word, defined as "someone who greatly admires England and/or English people"), and the lonely Time Lord in a blue box is definitely part of it.
• My new intern position with MuggleNet, which has been really fun and exciting. Go check out mugglenet.com to see the stories I've written so far!

It's mid summer, and fall will be here before I know it. What else is going to happen before the leaves change?

Of Marriages, Missions, and Missings

It's been a really crazy busy past couple of months. I feel like I haven't really even sat down since March. Mostly, though, the past few months can be boiled down to these three "M's":

1. Marriages
So pretty much everyone in my life are doing one of two things, and the first is getting married or heading towards it. I am so excited for all my family and friends who are getting married this summer (you know who you are!). But the most exciting one, of course, was my big sister Jenn's wedding.

So welcome to the family, Brent!

2. Missions
The other half of the people I know seem to be going on missions. I know so many missionaries that are heading out soon, or preparing to turn in their papers! I would list everyone, but there's just way too many. I'm so proud of everyone, and I can't wait to write you all!
The other day, we got to drop off my good friend and old roommate McKayla at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Provo. It was so great to see her after a few months apart, and a bit sad to see her go off to Brasil for a year and a half! But she was so excited and prepared to go,we couldn't help to be ecstatic for her.

Missed her soooooo much!

Off she goes!

Intermission: Pretty much everything that's happened in the past few months.

I have finished a year of college! I can't believe it's gone so fast. I've done so much in the past few months alone!
I completed the Lazy Man Iron Man, a program that BYU Student Wellness does twice a year. Basically, you have a month to swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and run 26 miles. I hadn't done much intense exercise since my last tennis season, and it felt so good to do!

Rachel and I did it!

Also in the past few months, we took a little break one weekend and went up to one of the beautiful canyons here in Provo. It was the most fantastic night. We played, we had a campfire and made s'mores, we had music (thanks to my super talented friend Alex and his guitar) and we just all relaxed for a while. Truly, a night to never forget.

A pretty good snapshot of a great night!

And this all leads to...

3. Missings
Of course, at the end of the semester, it was time to do probably one of the hardest things for me to do: say goodbye.
I love my freshman ward. We all became so close; it really feels like I've known them forever, and that we are a kind of family. It was so hard to realize that we were all going separate ways and saying goodbye for now! I was the last person to check out of good old Young hall, and it was such a bittersweet moment. Luckily, we've already had a few Google hangouts with the old gang, and it is so good to see everyone!

Saying goodbye to one of my favorite people! I love this girl.

Last minute hiking trip with two of my best friends

The last couple days, we ate most of our meals potluck style with everyone who was left!

People are probably getting sick of me telling them I miss them. But I think it's important to do. It's important to let the people we care about know that not having them there at the moment impacts us. It feels good to know you're important enough to someone that they miss being with you. So everyone, get used to it!

So this is the end of a ridiculously long post, but it's been a while! I'm excited for this coming spring. I have a lot of goals to accomplish, and a lot of fun things planned. It's been a great year, and I can't wait to see what comes next!

Random things we do, part 2

In case you haven’t figured this out yet, I’m a pretty big fan of the Harry Potter series. I started reading the books when I was about five or six, and it just caught hold of my imagination. I’ve since read the books over fifty times at last count, and I can quote the movies (apparently, I’m also quite good at knowing the chapters of each book…Brent tested me the other day). About two years ago, I stumbled upon the fan site Mugglenet.com, and I was thrilled to find that I wasn’t crazy (or that crazy, I guess) in my love for the series. Last year, the site started a new segment/website thing with an accompanying podcast called Alohomora! Basically, it’s a global reread of the series, and on each episode they analyze all sorts of things, and then listeners get involved in the analysis on the online forums. I got involved on the forums, talking about all kinds of cool connections we found in the books, and I was actually made a moderator on the site. And then, just a few weeks ago, I was invited to actually be a guest host on the podcast!

I was so excited and nervous that day, I really didn’t know what to do with myself. What if I sounded incredibly stupid? My roommates probably thought I was going insane, I was so uptight. But, there I was at the right time, my nice recording equipment all hooked up, my book marked with notes, and then off we went!

It was an incredible experience. There were three of the regular hosts on the show that day, and we were discussing chapters nine and ten of what is tied for my favorite book in the series, Prisoner of Azkaban. I had a great time, and it was just so fun to nerd out for a while with people who understood why I love these books!

The episode was released this past week, and you can listen to it here or on iTunes (episode 24, "Filch's Hidden Passion")! My nickname on the site is Ali Wood (it’s a long story, but basically what you need to know is that I like the character of Oliver Wood), so that’s what they know me as. I’ve even gotten some positive feedback on the forums about it! It was so out of my comfort zone, but it was a spectacular experience, and one I hope I get to repeat.

Getting ready for the show!

Also on the literary/English nerd front, a few weeks ago, I met a real life published author! Here at BYU, the English department sponsors a Reading Series every Friday. Basically, authors come and read some of their work for about an hour, and then there’s a book signing afterward. So a few weeks ago, Anthony Doerr came, which was really exciting because we have been reading some of his work in my Literary Analysis class. His collection of short stories, Memory Wall, is becoming some of my favorite writing ever, I think. It a really interesting collection, with stories all focused around what memories are, how we keep them, and why they are important. The idea and the way he presents it just fascinates me.

So a few weeks ago, there I was all excited just to see a real author. His reading was great, and then came the book signing! I stood in line pretty much shaking the entire time. When it actually was my turn, I could hardly talk my heart was pounding so hard. But he was very kind, and for the first time in my life, I now am the proud owner of a signed book. I didn’t stop smiling all the way home that day! This is one of the best things about college: I get to really focus on the things I love, and I get to learn more about them then I ever thought I would.

Signed book, aaah!

Random things we do, Part 1

We really do do some random things out here. So here's a little snapshot into the life of a freshman college kid...

One of my favorite things that has happened so far this semester is the initiation of Sunday game night. There’s a little group of us who gather in my neighbors’ apartment every Sunday after ward prayer to just hang out, play some card or board games, and usually eat food. This week, we had a great game of Clue.

First of all, never play this game with AJ if you’re just looking for a really laid back game. The kid is on the warpath to win that game for once. He pretty much had all of our cards figured out by the end of the game, and he was probably the first to figure out what was in the envelope. However, Alex and I figured it out pretty soon after he did, and it was a race to the finish.

Now, I’m pretty obvious when playing Clue. It’s not very hard to figure out what cards I’m holding. Lucky me got a few good breaks, though, and I figured out the cards in the envelope one right after another. But Alex’s strategy was to hold me and AJ back so he could get there first. Meanwhile, AJ is trying to keep both of us back and confuse us all to get there first. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I had it right, so I was trying to use their strategies to finalize mine and get to the envelope first. I’m pretty sure by that point, Cassidy and Bekah had given up and were just trying to mess with the three us who were trying to win. We ended with Rachel filling in for Alex, AJ just a few steps away, and Alex/Rachel set perfectly to win. Alex ended up winning (he came back right after Rachel won for him).

Sunday game night has also led to our new nicknames. I really don’t remember how we got started on these, but I’m pretty sure it was the boys giving all the girls ours. And so, Kennerley is JFK (apparently because Kennerley sounds like Kennedy); Cassidy is Sid the Kid; Bekah is Jake (from Jacot – it took them a while to decide on that one); Kat is Kaaaarl (it has to be said just like that, too); AJ is Alice Jane (our best reusing of his initials); Alex is Alexa (not our most original, but it works); and I am either Al or Tony (Alex has called me Al for a while, and AJ started calling me Tony when I mentioned that if I had been a boy, my parents were thinking of calling me Anthony). We’re a pretty crazy bunch, at once super competitive and laid back. Take, for example, last week’s game of Pit. At one point, AJ and I were fighting over a card, both cracking up, while everyone else was laughing at us too. Not to mention the fact that the entire building probably heard us, we got so loud.

This is going to be one of the things I miss the most after this semester. These impromptu things that turn into the best memories. Bekah and I were talking the other night about how this will all change so soon. We are halfway through this semester! Only two months until we leave, off on missions, or to go home, or just moving somewhere else around campus. And two months will go so fast! Don’t remind me!

Part of our little group...don't tell Cassidy I used this picture. (from left, Kennerley, Cassidy, AJ, and Bekah)

Life, a daily occurrence

I'm currently struggling with an essay on Emerson's essay "The Poet", and so what better thing to do than write something else for a while? Thinking about transcendentalism (though currently makes me want to hit my head against a wall) makes me think of the little things in life that are beautiful. Daily life is full of beauty. How often do I forget that? How often do I go through routine and forget to see the wonderful small things?
School and work are pretty normal. My classes are going great, despite struggling with essays. All this reading I've been doing, though, makes me just want to curl up and read for a long time. Not much time to do anything outside of what I have to these days, but lately, I finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy for the first time (probably some kind of record for me: one month plus to read three books. Took me way too long). One of the things I'm looking forward to this spring is having more time to make a dent on my long list of classics and other books I need to read.
Speaking of spring, it seems like it's coming...or at least it does until it starts snowing again. We had one pretty warm day (I'm talking over forty degrees...what's happened to me to think that's warm?), and the hint of spring was in the air. Spring means new adventures, no more school pressure, and warmth! But it also means the end of classes I've come to love. It means the end of this incredible first year. It means I have to leave my spectacular ward. It means a lot of my friends will be leaving, either for missions or just to go home. It means the cozy little circle is going to be broken, or at least stretched out. It's one of those things that I can't wait for, but I'm also terrified about. Change can just cause such anxiety, can't it? We've got a lot of great plans for this spring and summer, but there will be a lot of people that I'm going to miss terribly.
I feel like everything is just starting to change, that I'm starting to change. I'm terrified and excited. And as I try to hold on to every moment, each day keeps passing by. Weeks are going quickly. I keep looking to the future and yet glancing back at the past. But I guess this is life, and life is a daily occurrence.

A Picture Inspires a Poem...

For my creative writing class, we had to write a poem focusing on diction. So here's mine, as inspired by this picture my dad sent me a few weeks ago:

Once, long ago

A little girl lay curled on her daddy’s chest.

She holds a baby doll; he holds the girl close.

My daddy is asleep on our old brown couch,

Glasses still on – it is probably a Sunday

And we are taking an afternoon nap.

But I am not sleeping, my eyes are open

Dark brown and thoughtful.

He can’t be very comfortable

Holding me, a doll, and a blanket,

My golden curls over his nose.

In that moment, nothing mattered.

I was his baby girl, and he was my hero.

Strong, tall, with dark hair just as curly as mine.

I told him everything, then,

About school, my books, my toys.

I ran to greet him when he came home every day

He would let me climb up his legs, holding my hands,

And help me flip over in a certain way.

But I grew up, and sometimes I missed those days,

And yet

Last week I watched him fall asleep,

My nephew, his grandson, curled up on his chest

Both of them asleep. He never lets that little boy go.

And I thought things I should have known:

I watched him let all four of his children fly away,

Give the care of two of his daughters to strange young men

And shake his son’s hand as he became a husband.

I am his only one left, and I too am on new wings

And someday I will no longer be in his care.

But I know a new little one will take my place curled there,

My sister’s son,

And future girls and boys

Who will run to greet their grandpa when he comes.

They will grasp his hands, climb his legs,

And he will flip them over in a certain way.

Is it 2013 already?

"There's a lot that I don't know. There's a lot that I'm still learning..." -Jack's Mannequin, The Resolution

Well, winter semester is upon me, and weather wise, it couldn’t be more different then when I showed up in Provo. It’s cold, and I mean really cold: I walked to work the other day in negative degree temperatures. Not very much fun for a California girl! But I’m excited for this semester. I finally get to start some of the classes for my major, and the thought of getting to read and analyze, write, and delve into it all just starts a nerdy happy dance inside me. Seeing everyone again after break was spectacular as well, and I can’t wait for our coming adventures! Plus, my mom will be glad to hear that turning nineteen seems to have triggered a neatness bug in me, and I’m doing weird things like making my bed every day and having urges to make sure the kitchen is spotless at all times.

Some people like to make resolutions in the new year, but I like to look back at the lessons I learned the previous year and see how they can change me as I apply them. So here’s a little list (okay, maybe not so little) of the things I learned in 2012 that I’m taking with me into 2013:

• Sometimes you have to put yourself out there to meet people. If you just are yourself, you’ll find people who will love you for that.
• I’ve learned that sometimes, people do things that drive you crazy, and you just have to deal with it. Everyone is struggling with something, and when you figure that out, it is easier to understand them.
•  You have to know what you want before you try to go get it.
• Memories are wonderful, the past is special, the future is open and hopeful, but you have to take some time to live for now, in the moment you are in.
• There is something new to learn every day.
•  Anyone who makes food for you obviously loves you a lot.
• People come into your life for a reason; you just have to figure out what it is. New life is precious; so are new friendships. But sometimes, you just need the old and familiar. Both are special and equally important; you can love people you’ve known for four months just as much as you love people you’ve known for nineteen years.
• Your first impressions are often wrong, so never follow them without further information.
• Follow what the Holy Ghost tells you to do, because it makes all the difference. The Holy Ghost is the best teacher; you just have to learn how to understand it.
• Goodbyes are saddest when there is so much promise to be had.
• You may not be perfect, but at least you know how to keep trying.
• One of the greatest gifts you can give anyone, or they can give you, is to open your heart and break down your walls, even if it is only for a little bit.
• We are still growing, still maturing. At some points, you can act like the adult you are becoming; but other times, you will still be the kid you were. We don’t know everything yet. There is still a lot to learn.